I have finally decided that I have a little bit of an anger problem, and even a little bit of a problem leaving the past where it belongs (IN THE PAST)!!! So in order to help circumvent my denial, I have decided to start blogging about anything and everything that happens in my life on a daily basis.
So, lets see... Slow relaxing music? CHECK... Social filter? HOPEFULLY...
Well, ones thing is for sure. I could listen to Miles Davis all day long. Maybe instead of blogging I just need to walk around all day with headphones on so that I can listen to Miles. It always seems to make my day not matter what screwed up shit is going on. The only problem that I think I would run into is that it also makes me want to slowly sip on a good cognac or burbon, which after about 5 glasses in, makes me depressed about the monotonous routine of my daily life.
Now, before I go further on that I would like to state the I love my life, and even most things in it, but the daily "grind" has just become so assembly-esk that it makes me feel almost in comparison to that feeling you get on a cold raining night while sitting at a stop light waiting for the damn thing to turn green. There is no one else around you, but for some reason that fucking light decided to turn red right as you were impending upon it. Everything just becomes a blur because you are so tunnel driven to get somewhere, hell anywhere, but everything in life keeps weighing you down. The idea of driving down to the city's transportation office to murder the man that decided to play this practical joke on you has already crossed your mind about 5 times, but before you know it, the light is green and it has been for some time now!
I mean come on... I know I'm only 28, and have "the rest of my life" ahead of me, but this really isnt where I pictured myself 10 years ago when I traveled across that stage accepting my high school diploma. Granted, the past 10 years have been a blast, and even unforgettable at times, but there are a lot of things, that given the chance to "mulligan" some might say, that I wouldnt hesitate to do over. I used to have this outlook on life that the mistakes we make in life are what makes us stronger, but I've come to the realization that this Socrates way of thinking is just plain narrow-minded. I mean let's think out of the box here in a universal fashion in hopes to really see what happens in our lives.
The social world tells us to remember the mistakes and events of what went on in order to make sure that when faced with the same siutation later in life your dont take the same route to failure. Well, what if that is your only route? I mean think about how times in your life you have been put in the same situation without the ability of having complete control over your actions. Shit, it happens to me daily at work! In an ideal world, I would be able to have an adolescent conversation with my manager, etc. in order to solve an issue or discrepancy, but instead, what do I end up doing most of the time? Just nodding my head agreeing with shit that I dont agree with just so that I can feed the vanity of some other dumbass's ego that truely doesnt give a shit what I think.
Now say I decide one day to speak my mind, and express truly how I feel. Do you think that is truly going to get me anywhere as long as the dumbass above me is the one controlling everything? NO... Of course its not, and if I do this then now its my ass, or better yet, my "mistake." What the hell am I supossed to learn from that? Instead of saying that we need to learn from our mistakes, or learn to present ourselves in a more professional manner, why dont we just accept the fact that the world we live in each day is undeniably designed to make us fail.
This world changes everyday, but we sit around for years in our own futility until we are forced to make change happen. Why? Because change means a decline in power to most. Most human beings dont see the amazing things that people can accomplish together instead of being told to do by a select few. Hell, even the governments that "we the people" created have failed because "we the people" have given too much power to those that we have selected to answer for us. Instead of being servants to the "people," our politicians today have become tenured co-workers. They have been allowed to make careers out of a position that was orignally designed to support and serve the mass. This abudance of years that are allowed to most creates an enviorment where change can not exist. Change that is supposed to be a mixture of comprimises and covenants (not contracts).
Instead of focusing on the proclivity that we need to learn from our mistakes and move forward as more rounded individuals, why dont we just come to the conclusion that mistakes are in nature a good thing. All mistakes benefit someone no matter how terrible or drastic they are. The 9/11 bombings, although as dispicable and contraversial as they were, benefitted the people that planned and carried out these actions. That doesnt make it right, or even remotely justified, but yet just an example that all actions (in this case mistakes) are seemingly good in nature. I know that this is an extreme case, and its probably hard to invision what sort of point I could be making from this, but look at all of the good that has happend in our nation since that horrific day! Our nation grew stronger in its military defense and the sense of pride within our nation and support for our troops grew even that much stonger. Homeland Security is more involved in the safety of our air travel than ever before. The strategic way of protecting our borders has been completely broken down and rebuilt. Most importantly, the Taliban has been dismantled. This didnt happen because we made mistakes in regards to our national security, but rather because we had become complacent with the way things were. We had grown arrogant in our daily responsibility to govern and secure our land thinking that there was no one out there that could be smarter than we are at defending our own nation.
Again, the notion that we learned from our mistakes is an artificial binding to the reality that we had just lost touch with the true value of what living in America stood for. The same freedom that we have been protecting for centuries is the same freedom that is trampeled on by citizens living inside these borders everyday.
gotta go...see ya tomorrow...
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